Guilt and the Idyllic Life

By definition, entrepreneurs do what we do because we want some control over our own destiny. And, it’s seldom about making tons of money; instead it’s about freedom first, then independence.

So, what happens after you’ve worked hard all your life and are now able to afford pretty much anything you have ever wanted, and you have simplified your life so you also have the time to enjoy it?

Most of the entrepreneurs I’ve known who have earned the second home, the sailboat, the several Porsches, or whatever, still go through huge guilt when they are playing instead of working. More importantly, most of their businesses run better without them now. In fact, I know one who’s Board of Directors paid him a bonus to “stay away”!

The problem with slowing down so we have time to reflect and rest, is that it’s in conflict with our normal way of being, which is to keep the nose to the grindstone, early to bed and early to rise, and all other teachings that cause us to worship the god of productivity.

Enjoying the idyllic life probably requires one to slow down, so you can “smell the flowers” and spend time as you wish, meeting your mood.

So, as I sit on my patio looking across a green, a lake, two fairways and many palm trees to the mountains five miles away, while enjoying my second cup of coffee, the nagging feeling that I should be accomplishing something overtakes me to the point of discomfort. It’s nothing short of guilt.

It doesn’t help to overcome the feeling with intellect, because guilt is an emotional response. That’s why knowing that it’s a waste of energy, time and talent doesn’t get rid of it.

According to Alan Weiss, author of Life Balance: How to Convert Professional Success Into Personal Happiness, many of us have the enervating belief that we must be "doing something" or we're somehow non-productive. Consider this: Thinking, reflecting, meditating, observing, remembering, visualizing, absorbing, resting, recharging, and enjoying are all "doing something." No harm, no foul.

The only way I’ve learned to manage guilt over the past seven years of wintering in the desert is to turn 65. Although I am not about to “retire”, this magic age allows me to spit into the face of guilt, and finally enjoy the idyllic life I’ve worked so hard to create. It’s not magic, but constant practice and self-talk works for me.

Perhaps the real question then, is “Why do we feel guilty?” Or, better yet, “What is the source of our guilt?” If it’s the way we were raised, probably by parents who lived through the Great Depression, then we know.

Discombobulation

An Inner Circle member brought it up at the meeting last week when she said she was feeling discombobulated. And why not? New granchild, a very close relative passing away, a key staff member leaving and moving away, with the holiday season on top of it all. I'm betting that all my members have felt discombobulated with the trials, both personal and professional, that face us regularly.

Come to think of it, I've been a bit discombulated the past three weeks or so, having taken the kids, without Meg, on a road trip to Michigan to visit my sister and then having the kids, with out Meg again, for five more nights so she could visit with her sisters at a wedding in Florida. Playing Mr. Mom is not for me. Took several days to get back into the rhythm of things.

There's that word again. Rhythm. For various assorted reasons we all get out of rhythm. Out of sync. Out of sorts. It just happens.

Getting back in-synk (excuse the pun, I couldn't resist) is a matter of getting back in rhythm. Getting back into a flow of things that make things feel more familar and comfortable. Finding that rhythm or structure or routine to your life that allows you the creativity you need to succeed. It sets you free.